Last night I attended the latest Remarkable Man Project meeting. This is a group I’ve been a part of from the start a little over a year ago. I got involved because I know the founder, and I love the mission of the organization. What man doesn’t want to be Remarkable, and be a Champion to Women, Hero to Children and a Brother to other men? Just the tag line alone has been drawing in curious gents who want to know what this is all about.
What it’s all about is challenging – then supporting and empowering men to become remarkable no matter what your definition of remarkable might be. At every meeting we discuss a specific topic, and last night that topic was Self Sabotage. This is something I’m sure we’ve all experienced on one level or another. We all find ways to avoid doing the things we know we ought to, sabotage the relationships that are most important to us, or get in our own way from accomplishing our goals. And we do it for a variety of payoffs.
It might not seem appropriate to call our self sabotage a payoff, but when it comes down to it, everything we do is a payoff in one way or another. We either receive a benefit from our actions in a positive way, or we receive a benefit that on the outside appears to be a detriment – but it’s still a payoff. How can that be you ask? Let me give you an example.
Let’s say you’re in sales, and your job is to pick up the phone and make calls. If you avoid making those calls through procrastination, distractions, busy work etc, that’s a detriment to your goal of making sales, but you’re still receiving a payoff. Maybe it’s that you don’t have to face your fear of rejection. Maybe you don’t have the self confidence to pick up the phone and call people who could really use the service you offer, so you convince yourself that they’d probably say no anyway, so why bother making the call. You get to remain in your comfort zone.
The problem is, everything you want in life is just outside your comfort zone. If it wasn’t, you’d already have it. The key to overcoming these instances of self sabotage, is to first become aware that you’re actually doing it. Look for the triggers that set you off. Once you can identify how it is you self sabotage, and when you’re most likely to do it, you can then start to create new habits to replace these old programs that have been running on auto pilot since you were a child.
Did you know most of your habits and beliefs were given to you by your parents and other influencers before the age of 10? It’s no wonder that we all have these self sabotage mechanisms in place that we accepted at a time when we were most impressionable, but least conscious of why we accepted them.
What can you do today, to become more aware of your patterns, and begin to eliminate your self sabotage habits?